Red the Lowest - Subterranean Evil
by TheTrueOverlordBear
Summary: In this second installment of Red the Lowest, another amnesiac teenage boy, Shinku, has found himself in Former Hell, clothed and equipped like a survival horror protagonist. After getting into trouble with the residents of the Palace of Earth Spirits, he now has to find a way to escape the underground, and he also must find a way to satiate his desire to slay zombies.
1. Welcome to (Former) Hell

I know how it feels like to be a video gamer in a situation similar to a survival horror video game. Well, it's not a zombie apocalypse situation, but it's more like I need to escape a place where a bunch of youkai are all over the place. Even though it's not much, it's a good thing that the oni named Suika Ibuki had me prepared with few items and equipment. The only things I have on my holsters and pockets are a survival knife coated with a celestial's blood, a handgun with only ten celestial blood-coated bullets, a drinking gourd containing sake, and one can of first-aid spray. All I remember about myself is that I'm a video gamer who likes survival horror, especially the Resident Evil series, that I'm a fan of Leon Scott Kennedy, that I have this strong urge to slay zombies, and that my name is Shinku. I woke up in this place called "The Palace of Earth Spirits," and I just knifed this mind-reader lady because I suspected her to be some sort of evil creator of zombies. I only wounded her, though, but my the coating of my knife was so effective that she felt a lot of pain from the cut.

Because of that, I'm now being hunted down by a kasha who can control vengeful spirits, and a hell raven containing a god of nuclear fusion.

"*huff**huff*"

"Hey, get back here! We'll roast you for hurting Satori-sama! Okuu, fire away!"

"Got it, Orin! UNYUUUUUUUU!"

*PEW*

"Ah!"

I dived to the side to dodge the beam that the hell raven called Okuu fired, avoiding the resulting explosion. I was running through the rocky depths of the underground, and just up ahead was a village. Wait, if I get spotted there, I have a feeling that I'll be killed for causing chaos! This place doesn't look friendly!

"Well, I guess I have no choice!" I shouted to myself.

I turned around and took out my gun. I quickly cocked my gun and aimed at the hell raven above, and then I pulled the trigger immediately.

*BANG*

"Aaaahhhhhh!"

The hell raven's shoulder was hit by the bullet, and she immediately started falling down to the ground. Man, Suika gave me some really convenient weapons. Still, I better not waste the bullets. I only have nine bullets left now.

"OKUU!"

The kasha called Orin ran towards where Okuu was falling, catching her with the wheelbarrow that she was pushing around during the chase. Upon catching Okuu, Orin stopped and talked to Okuu with distress.

"Okuu, are you okay? Okuu?"

"Orin...I...I feel...weak...Help..."

Okuu couldn't speak and move well, just like what happened to that mind-reader lady when I knifed her.

"Grrrr..."

Seeing what happened just now, Orin turned to me with a really vengeful look on her face.

"Taste my wrath, human...CURSED SPRITE: ZOMBIE FAIRY!"

"Zombies?"

Suddenly, zombie fairies did start coming out around her. I suddenly felt a great deal of joy and excitement when I saw those zombie fairies. It's time to fulfill my task!

"Zombies...It's zombie slaying time!"

I drew out my knife from the knife holster strapped to my left shoulder, and then I braced myself for the incoming wave of zombie fairies.

"Hyah! Hah! Hi-yah!"

I spun and danced around as I dodged and knifed zombie fairies that were trying hit me. I felt more powerful as I fought these zombies.

*BOOM**BOOM**BOOM*

And I felt more awesome when the zombie fairies exploded behind me.

"Keep it coming, kasha! I'll knife you before you know it!"

"Grr...I won't let you!"

Orin then started unleashing more zombie fairies at me. Still, I felt even more powerful when I saw the number of incoming zombie fairies increase.

"In Resident Evil 4, knifing is awesome! But not this awesome!"

What I'm doing is even more awesome than simply stopping to swipe your knife at angry villagers. I'm spinning and dancing while I'm swiping!

"Take this! Spiiiiiiinnnnnn...and JUMP!"

I then soared into the air, aiming for the kasha as I started to descend.

"HYAH!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Orin then fell down after I dealt a knife swipe at her, and she ended up weakened just like Okuu.

"I won't...let you...get away...that easily..."

Zombie fairies then started appearing so fast, and they weren't even moving to hit me. I stepped back, though, as I felt like this wasn't going to be good.

"I'LL MAKE YOU EXPLODE!"

"STOP!"

Before Orin could even send her massive wave of zombie fairies at me, someone shouted to stop us.

"Satori-sama...?"

It was the mind-reader lady. She was walking towards us with a pained expression, holding her shoulder which I had wounded some time ago.

"I had Suika Ibuki come with me after I read her mind while in her mist form around the Palace."

Suddenly, mist started gathering in one place beside the mind-reader lady, and it eventually took form of a short, two-horned, flat-chested and perpetually drunk oni named Suika Ibuki.

"Hey there, Shinku!" Suika greeted. "You had fun with your zombie slaying! I was enjoying the show, but this killjoy satori had to read my mind and stop me. We should just go drink some sake, then. And by the way, the satori isn't an evil creator of zombies."

"Ugh...You were just here to slay zombies, boy?" the mind-reader lady asked me with an annoyed expression. "There is no such thing as a zombie apocalypse happening here in Former Hell. Suika Ibuki, take this boy back to the surface. And take us to Eientei. We really need to stop this celestial blood from poisoning us, and you are responsible for giving him such a weapon dangerous to youkai, and then bringing him here!"

"Alright, alright," Suika said with a smile, but with a tone of annoyance. "Looks like I can't drink with you for a while, Shinku." She then carried the mind-reader lady, the kasha, and the hell raven on her back and shoulders without breaking a sweat.

"If you want to have a drink with someone, go find Yuugi in the Former Capital of Hell. She'd be delighted to help you if you drink with her."

"But I'm underage!"

"Well, sucks for you, then," Suika bluntly replied. Then, she quickly flew off.

"That's it?" I shouted. "AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"

Man, what do I do now? I want to slay zombies!

"I don't even know how to fly. Well, looks like I'll have to...just once..."

With the decision to go drink sake Yuugi now reluctantly made, I walked off to the Former Capital of Hell, while recalling what happened ever since I woke up in the Palace of Earth Spirits.


	2. Mansions are Bad News

It all started I suddenly woke up in this hallway, which was illuminated by torches hanging all over the place.

"Ugh...Where am I?"

I took a look around, and I saw that I was on the landing in the middle of a staircase. In front of me was what seemed to be an entrance hall, and to my left and right were stairs that led to hallways. Behind me was a stained glass window that was broken for some reason.

"A mansion...Wait a minute..."

My instincts suddenly told me that seemingly empty mansions like these are dangerous places. A broken window...something must have charged into this place...but why didn't they notice me if I was here for a while?

"Well, I guess I'm lucky that I wasn't attacked by zombies. It doesn't look like I'm infected."

Just to be sure, I checked my self for any signs of infection.

"Huh, no sign of infection. Anyway...I look like a survival horror protagonist."

As I looked at myself, I saw that I wore a form-fitting gray shirt, blue jeans, and black shoes. Strapped to my left shoulder was a holster that held a survival knife. Along my belt were a gun holster with a handgun, a holster for a can of first-aid spray, a holster for a drinking gourd, and some empty pockets that hung around for some unknown reason other than to make me look cool.

"So, how do you like your new look?"

A high-pitched voice behind me caught my attention. I turned around, and then I saw this little girl with two horns, orange hair, tattered shirt, shackles, broken chains, purple skirt, and a purple drinking gourd.

"Uhhh...who are you?"

"I'm Suika Ibuki, but you can call me Suika!" the little girl replied with a jolly voice. "I'm an oni, and I brought you here. I threw you in through the window."

"Ohh...so that explains why the window was broken. Why did you do that?"

"Because it was easier to do so."

"And why am I like this?"

"Yukari asked me to bring you here. She asked me to do some dirty work for another one of her dirty schemes. Oh yeah, Yukari wants you to slay zombies."

"Slay zombies?"

When I heard Suika say that, I felt this urge rise deep inside me. Zombies...yeah, I love slaying zombies. I felt like I was becoming more powerful at that time.

"Where are the zombies?" I immediately asked, not even caring about what sort of creature the little girl was.

"There are only zombie fairies here. Go see Rin Kaenbyou, the kasha with a wheelbarrow. She lives here."

"Thank you! But first, can you tell me what are these things I have on me?"

Even if I felt this excitement at the mention of slaying zombies, I still wanted to know the specs of my equipment.

"Oh, you wanted to know that, huh? I wasn't expecting you to ask, since I thought you'd go straight to slaying zombies right away. Anyway, you have a survival knife and a handgun with 10 bullets. The knife and the bullets are all coated with the blood of a certain celestial that I know, and celestial blood is really effective against youkai."

"Wait a second...youkai? I thought 'zombies' for a second there."

I don't think zombies are youkai. Zombies are undead human corpses that are infected with some sort of virus! Zombies being youkai were never covered in the Resident Evil series!

Oh yeah, I do like the Resident Evil series.

"Well, celestial blood can work against zombies, too. Zombies are considered youkai here."

"Wait a second...so I'm not in a zombie apocalypse right now?"

"Yeah," Suika said casually. "You're in the 'Palace of Earth Spirits' right now, located in Former Hell. It's a home to various underground youkai, but mainly oni, like me!"

"Uhhh...so where are the zombies?"

"I told you to go see Rin Kaenbyou for that!" Suika shouted with sudden impatience. It was at that time that I noticed that her face was red. And my suspicion increased when she took out her drinking gourd, took a big swig, and then had an even redder face.

"Are you drunk, Suika?"

"Drunk? I'm always drunk!" she said with a really jolly tone. Boy, she is one jolly drunk.

"Wait a second...aren't you underage?"

"Hey! Don't judge me by my appearance! I may look like a little girl, but I'm way older and stronger than you think! And besides, I get stronger when I'm drunk, you know!"

"Okay...I won't talk about it anymore. Anyway, my drinking gourd contains sake, right?"

I had this feeling that it may contain sake after seeing Suika drink some from her gourd.

"Yeah! Sake makes you stronger!"

Oh boy.

"I'm not old enough to drink yet, you know."

"It really works! You'll be stronger when you drink sake!"

"I really don't want to, Suika, so can we just cut to the chase and find me some zombies to slay?"

"Go find Rin Kaenbyou, then! Well, since you want to go and slay zombies already, I'll be turning myself into mist and watch you do your thing!"

"Where is this Rin Kaen-Hey!"

Immediately, Suika dissolved into mist, and she wasn't responding anymore.

"Well, looks like I'll have to search this mansion, then. Mansions like these may have zombies..."

* * *

"Man, this is boring..."

I already went through the corridors and most of the rooms, but I didn't find any trace of zombies or any biohazardous infections.

"I only found nothing but high class and well-cleaned things. Maybe I should find Rin Kaenbyou...if Suika even bothered to tell me who or where that person is."

Well, since I'm here in this mansion, might as well check the rooms I haven't checked yet.

With my knife out, I walked around corridors, cautiously moving as if there could be a zombie around the corner.

And then I start to hear footsteps. I quickly put my back to the wall and take a peek around the corner.

"A short...lady?"

I couldn't see her clearly, but from the corner of my eye, I could tell that she was short.

Once the footsteps were loud enough, I jumped out at her with my knife.

"Freeze!"

"..."

She only responded with silence, wearing only a look of annoyance while looking at me and my knife that was pointed at her.

After some silent moments of looking at the lady...

"Whoa! What in the freaking world are you?"

She had a cute blue shirt, a cute pink skirt, and cute pink slippers, but what caught my attention the most was the red eye in front of her chest, which was connected by red cords running to her head and wrists. Man, my eyes were drawn by that creepy-looking eye...and they still are, even right now.

"My eyes are up here, boy."

"O-O-Okay..."

I struggled to maintain my gaze at the eyes on the lady's face...but the third eye feels so creepy...

"If you are looking for zombies, then you are at the wrong place. Orin has zombie fairies, but they are not even zombies at all."

"ZOMBIES? I WANT TO SLAY ZOMBIES NOW! SHOW ME THE ZOMBIES!"

I realized that she read my mind, but with this level of boredom that I have right now, I already want to slay zombies so much...I WANT TO SLAY ZOMBIES!

"I said there are no any zombies in here!"

"YOU'RE HIDING THEM, AREN'T YOU!? SHOW THEM TO ME, OR ELSE I'LL CUT YOU WITH THIS KNIFE, YOU LYING CREATOR OF ZOMBIES!"

My knife looks bigger with this rage I'm having right now. I WANT TO SLAY ZOMBIES! THIS MIND-READER LADY MUST BE A CREATOR OF ZOMBIES!

"Tch...it appears that I should-Kyaa!"

"I WANT TO SLAY ZOMBIES! I WANT TO SLAY ZOMBIES! I WANT TO SLAY ZOMBIES!"

I knifed her on the shoulder, making her fall down in surprise. I WANT TO SLAY ZOMBIES! I WANT TO STOP A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, AND THEN FIND MORE ZOMBIES TO SLAY AGAIN!

"There is no...zombie...apocaly-Aggghhhh...celestial blood...so that's why..."

"OKAY, TIME FOR YOU TO BE SLAIN, CREATOR OF ZOMBIES! I'LL SLICE YOU AND STAB YOU OVER AND OVER SLOWLY WITH THIS GIGANTIC KNIFE OF MINE!"

Slowly, I raised my knife at the writhing lady on the floor, smiling insanely as I was about to deal multiple knife attacks at her. IT'S SLAYING TIME! GOOD THING THE FIRST RESIDENT EVIL GAME HAD A KNIFE THAT DEALT LITTLE DAMAGE, SO DEATH WILL BE SLOW BUT PAINFUL FOR TARGETS!

"KNIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEE TIIIIIIIIMMMMMEEEEEEEE!"

Before I could land another blow at her, windows along the corridor shattered inward, with two creatures diving into the corridor.

"CERBERUSES! MUST KILL ANNOYING ZOMBIE DOGS FIRST!"

I charged in with my knife, but my rage was stopped when I discovered what I was up against.

"You just hurt Satori-sama..." a red-haired cat lady with a wheelbarrow angrily said.

"We won't forgive you..." a black-haired, winged lady with an arm cannon said.

Both of them looked menacing, especially because of the gigantic arm cannon on the winged lady.

"Okuu...let's roast him, and then use him as fuel for the Hell of Blazing Fires, shall we?"

"Ready when you are, Orin."

"Let's get him, then."

And so, the chase began. I promise to never hurt the mind-reader lady of the Palace of Earth Spirits ever again. I also felt like Suika was laughing at me while I was running away from the mansion, too.


	3. The Use of a Useless-Looking Item

After remembering how I got here while I walked, I arrived at the Former Capital of Hell.

As it was an underground village, far from the light of the sun, many hanging lanterns illuminated the place.

As to why I became scared of bringing a fight to this place...

"Yeah! Beat him down to the ground!"

"Fight! Fight! Fight!"

The oni were pretty much having fights, and I spotted them while I was running away back then. I became nervous at their appearances at first, but it looks like I'll still get beat up by a bunch of oni wanting to join the fight that I was having.

Wait, I have my knife, so why am I so scared? Anyone who dares to attack me will be sliced by my awesome knifing skills.

*CRASH*

Just then, I saw an oni get thrown out of a pub, hitting a rock wall when he crashed. Man, they're freaking tough as iron.

"YEAAAAHHHH!"

"Yuugi! Yuugi! Yuugi!"

Looks like Yuugi's close by. Boy, are the oni energetic about fighting.

"You don't start a fight in a pub, punk. When we're in a pub, no fighting. We do the fighting outside! Now, you still wanna fight?"

A tall, well-built woman with a single horn on her head came out of the pub, and she approached the offending oni.

"Yeah! I'll show you who's stronger, Yuugi!"

Hmm...so that lady's Yuugi, huh? And...both of them seem to be...drunk...Their reddened faces seem to say so.

"That so?" Yuugi asked. "Then bring it on!"

"Alright," the challenger replied. "Haaaaaaa!"

The challenger charged at Yuugi, attempting to pin her down to the ground, but Yuugi dodged and caught him by the legs.

"Don't be stupid as to let yourself...be...OPEEEEENNNNNN!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Yuugi then spun in place, preparing to throw the challenger like in a hammer throw, and then she threw him out veeeery far.

"Come back when your brain can hold against sake better!"

As she shouted that at the defeated challenger, the challenger crashed somewhere very far, causing a crash that sounded muffled from where I was.

"Uhh...y-you're Y-Yuugi, r-right?"

I then approached Yuugi immediately, trying to keep myself calm by reminding myself that I have awesome knifing skills...but I don't think beating her up won't do me any good, especially that I need to get out of this place and SLAY ZOMBIES. I WANT TO SLAY ZOMBIES.

"What, you wanna fight, boy?"

"Uhh...S-Suika s-sent m-me h-here..."

"Oh, so you must be that guy Suika was carrying around some time ago!"

"Carrying around?"

"Well, yeah, she flew down here in a hurry, saying that she was in some interesting plan made by the gap youkai, and also that it involved throwing you into the Palace of Earth Spirits. What was up, anyway? I never got to know more since she flew off to Eientei with three people on her a while ago."

"Well...I pretty much wounded those three that Suika was carrying since I was really obsessed with slaying zombies back then."

"Oh...zombies, huh? I don't those zombie fairies being summoned by that kasha are really zombies. I haven't even seen something like a real zombie here in the underground before."

"Well, do you know where I can find zombies? I really want to slay some right now...heheheh..."

I drew out my knife as I thought of looking for zombies. I WANT TO SLAY ZOMBIES.

"Whoa there, boy. Maybe you should relax for a bit. Suika did ask me to accompany you, but you look tired."

"Yeah...all that running, combined with my lack of zombie slaying, really made me tired. Is there milk in the pub?"

"What? Milk? Are you a kid? You look pretty manly physically, but you want milk?"

"Hey! Don't judge me. Milk is pretty nutritious, you know."

Milk has always been my favorite drink.

"Well, if you're a real tough guy, you should try some sake!"

Then, she grabbed me from the back.

"Hey, what are you-AAAAAAHHHHH!"

And then she threw me into the pub.

*thud**sliiiiiiiiiide*

I landed sliding on the floor of the pub, and then I noticed that all the eyes of the pub patrons, who were all oni, had their attention directed towards me.

"Uhhh...hi?"

Then, I heard Yuugi shouting as she entered the pub.

"Hey, this manly-looking human here is such a milk drinker that I would prefer if he at least tried some sake to show that he's a real tough guy. What do you think, guys?"

"Make him drink some sake!" the pub patrons shouted in unison.

"Come on, boy," Yuugi told me as she lifted up and put me down on a seat, "Just one bowl. Or are you just a wimpy man like most of the human men that fall into and scream like cowards here in the underground?"

Looks like I can't escape. Wait, I do have my sake gourd that Suika gave me.

"Uhh...I'll just drink from this gourd. I got this from Suika."

"Well, get on with it! We're not quite the patient bunch, you know!"

"Okay, okay..."

I took out the sake gourd that was hanging from my belt, and then opened it. Immediately, I started to drink all the sake from the gourd.

"Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about!"

"Yeah!"

I could hear the oni around me cheering me on, but as I drank the sake...I started to feel...lightheaded...and...powerful...aaaaaaahhhhh ...I wanna slay zombiesaaaaaaaaaaaa...


	4. Apocalypse: Drunk Slayer of Youkai

"You okay, boy?" Yuugi asked Shinku, wondering what was going on with him. "Can't hold your liquor? Boy, you sure look like a softie, hahaha!"

"Hahaha!"

Yuugi laughed and gave Shinku a slap on the back, while the other oni laughed along with her. Unknown to them, Shinku was drawing his knife out while slightly swaying unsteadily.

"I guess you should train some more in the drinking department!" Yuugi said. "Wait, what's with you?"

Yuugi already noticed Shinku's red face and unsteady posture, but when she noticed him brandishing his knife, she was too late to stop him.

"ARGH!"

Shinku had quickly turned and swiped his knife at the oni bartender behind him. Then, he stood up on the counter and declared in a loud voice:

"I'LL SLAY YOU ALL, ZOMBIEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!"

Immediately, he jumped off the counter and landed on the floor after dealing a downward slice at an oni. Then, he did a 360-degree spin, slicing two oni around him. As Shinku's knife had celestial blood, the oni that he had knifed went down to the ground, screaming in pain.

"Hey, what's wrong with you, boy!?" Yuugi shouted.

"Zombies...must slay zombies...THIS PLACE IS OVERRUN BY ZOMBIES! I'LL SLAY YOU ALL! ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE FUN TIME, BABY!"

"Argh!"

Yuugi received a knife cut to the right arm, and that made her fall on one knee.

"Why is this painful than normal...? Also...what happened to that guy?"

Yuugi then took some time to think about what happened before this chaotic event.

"A gourd of sake from Suika...Damn it, Suika! You'll pay for causing this mess!"

Enduring the pain on her right arm, Yuugi stood up and approached the raging Shinku.

"Get out of this place..."

She grabbed Shinku by the legs...

"...AND NEVER COME BACK!"

...and then she spun and threw him out of the pub with incredible force.

*CRASH*

Shinku crashed into an adjacent shop outside, while Yuugi ran out of the pub, running towards Shinku to grab him again.

But as Yuugi ran towards him, Shinku had quickly recovered.

"GET OUT OF MY FACE, ZOMBIE!"

He immediately delivered a powerful roundhouse kick to Yuugi's face, knocking her down to the ground.

"A kick like that won't take me down easily, boy!"

Still, Yuugi didn't give up, and she stood up again, now filled with a great amount of rage.

"RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"DOWN ON YOUR KNEES, ZOMBIE! ROUNDHOUSE KICK!"

"AAAARRRGGGGHHH!"

Yuugi took a cut to the knees, and she now fell on both knees.

"Who...are you...?" Yuugi asked with a pained face.

"I'm...A ZOMBIE SLAYER!"

Quickly, Shinku raised Yuugi up, put his head under her arm, wrapped an arm around her waist, and then...

"THIS SHOULD FINISH YOU! NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!"

...He flipped her backwards, making her land on her head and knocking her out.

"...Argh...damn you...Suika..."

Yuugi managed to utter those words of anger before passing out. As for Shinku...

"ONE ZOMBIE DOWN! KEEP IT COMING, ZOMBIES! I'LL SLAY YOU ALL!"

He then went back to the pub, knifing the oni there. In desperation and fear, the oni ran out of the pub and gathered together.

"He knocked out Yuugi! We better make him pay!"

"Let's throw him outta the underground already! He's gonna kill us all if we don't throw him out!"

"Yeah, let's do that!"

"Alright, when he runs to us, we pin him down, and then we throw him out!"

"After that, we need someone to call the people from Eientei!"

"Right!"

"Alright, let's do this!"

With a plan now formed, the oni prepared themselves for the incoming Shinku, who was roaring as he charged forward with his knife.

"RAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"GET HIM!"

"YEAH!"

Using their strength in numbers, the oni ran towards Shinku and pinned him down like they were American football players who were piling up on a player holding the ball.

"TAKE HIS KNIFE AWAY!"

"I WON'T LET YOU!"

In response to the oni who tried to take his knife, Shinku knifed them and the rest of the oni who were piled up on him. He managed to stand up and recover, but...

"GOTCHA!"

...An oni on the ground had gotten hold of Shinku's legs, and the oni stood up, spinning Shinku around as the oni endured the pain that he received from Shinku's anti-youkai knife.

"NOW GET OUT, AND NEVER COME BACK, HUMAN!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Shinku was thrown out towards a rock wall, but then, something unbelievable happened.

"GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE! NOW KILLING ZOMBIES THAT WILL GET IN THE WAY!"

Shinku managed to avoid the rock wall by sharply moving upward, towards the hole that led to the surface world of Gensokyo.

* * *

"Paruparuparuparu..."

Meanwhile, at the bridge between Gensokyo's surface world and underground world, the bridge princess, Parsee Mizuhashi, was looking down at the faraway Former Capital of Hell, still jealous as usual.

"They're all so festive...I'm so jealous..."

"Percy!"

"It's Parsee!" the bridge princess shouted angrily, turning around to see who was calling her.

"Oh...it's the younger Komeiji."

In front of Parsee was Koishi Komeiji, a girl with a orange-green outfit, a black hat with a yellow ribbon, and a closed blue third eye in front of her chest. Beside Koishi was an expressionless girl with a variety of masks floating around her, and a monkey mask was partly covering her face.

"Hey, have you seen Onee-chan, Percy?" Koishi asked excitedly.

"She went with two of her pets to the surface world with an oni," Parsee answered with an annoyed expression. "And my name's Parsee. Also, I'm jealous of you people who get out to see the surface world, you know."

"Oh, so Onee-chan's not here..." Koishi answered, not even caring about Parsee's reminders to her. She then turned to her expressionless companion.

"Oh well...let's play with Percy, then, Kokoro!"

"Okay," Kokoro, the girl with masks, replied in a monotone voice.

"I don't want to play with you two," Parsee answered. "I'm jealous of you two being so nice to me. And my name's Parsee."

"What's wrong with her?" Kokoro asked, still with a monotone voice and a monkey mask.

"She's like that all the time. I still want to play with her, though."

"..."

Kokoro then had a mask of an old woman on her face, showing her pity on the bridge princess's perpetual jealousy.

"I'm jealous of you pitying me," Parsee immediately told Kokoro. Kokoro still expressed her pity on Parsee. Still, Koishi ignored the current situation.

"Hey, let's play tag! You're 'it,' Percy!"

Immediately, Koishi started running away from Parsee, but Kokoro didn't move, and neither did Parsee.

"Kokoro, Percy's 'it!' You have to run away from her!" Koishi excitedly shouted.

"Okay..." Kokoro said, still having that old woman mask on her face, and then she started running to where Koishi was.

As for Parsee, she sighed and turned back to face the faraway Former Capital of Hell.

"I'm so jealous of their happiness...Huh?"

As she brooded while standing on the bridge as usual, Parsee noticed a flying figure heading in her direction.

"GET OUT OF THE WAAAAAAAAY!"

"Wait, what the-"

Before she could even react properly, the flying figure collided with Parsee. Reflexively, Parsee grabbed hold of a leg of the flying figure as she dodged a dangerous knife attack from the flying figure.

"Waaaaaahhhhhh!"

Parsee began to panic as she was being carried away by the flying figure that she was holding on, which was actually a human that wielded a knife. As Parsee tried to look at the face of the human, her eyes met with the bloodthirsty eyes of the flying human.

"You zombie...GET OFF ME!"

The human then began attempts to knife Parsee away from his leg. Parsee quickly dodged and switched to the other leg.

"DAMN IT! MUST HEAD TO A BETTER BATTLEFIELD!"

The flying human then faced forward, and then he spotted Koishi and Kokoro, who were right in front of them.

"Quick, Kokoro!" Koishi happily shouted. "Percy's coming to get us!"

Kokoro then said, with a surprised mask, "Umm...I don't think she's-"

At that moment, the two collided with the hanging Parsee, and each of the two held on one of Parsee's legs.

"Damn it! What is going on!?" Parsee shouted. "I'm jealous of all those people who are having peace and quiet right now!"

"Whee!" Koishi shouted with a big smile. "We're flying again!"

"What is going on?" Kokoro asked, still in monotone, and with a monkey mask.

"I DON'T KNOW! WHAT I KNOW RIGHT NOW IS THAT THIS HUMAN IS TRYING TO KILL ME! I'M JEALOUS OF ALL THOSE WHO ARE ALIVE AND WELL RIGHT NOW! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

As Parsee shouted in panic, Koishi enjoyed the ride, Kokoro hung on with confusion, and the flying human had carried them off to the surface world, which was snowing greatly.

"Snow! Yay!" Koishi exclaimed, while her two fellow companions' expressions didn't change.

As for the flying human, who was now flying on the wide and open sky, he turned to the three girls that were hanging on to him. He gazed at them with a dark and insane smile, and said:

"Die, zombies."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GETHIMOFFGETHIMOFFGETHIMOFF!"

In fear and desperation, Parsee screamed and tried to scratch the flying human to defend herself.

Parsee's scream also sounded throughout all of Gensokyo, too.

* * *

"Huh? What was that?"

In front of the great gate to the Netherworld, Merlin Prismriver, along with her two sisters, Lunasa and Lyrica, heard a distant scream.

"I heard that, too," Lunasa calmly replied.

"Must be another unfortunate human," Lyrica answered with a laid-back tone.

"But it seems close," Merlin nervously said.

"Let's just get back to practice," Lyrica impatiently said. "Whatever it is, it's none of our business."

"Alright," Lunasa said. "And a one, and a two, and a one-two-three-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"See, I told you that there was someone screaming!" Merlin shouted.

"Alright, alright!" Lyrica replied with irritation. "Now where is it coming from?"

"Over there," Lunasa calmly said. "It's approaching fast."

"What?"

Merlin and Lyrica turned to look at where their older sister was looking at, and then...

*BANG**BANG**BANG*

"GET OFF ME, YOU ZOMBIES!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Wheeeeeeeeee!"

"..."

Upon seeing this, Lyrica, with a completely unamused expression, told her sisters:

"Shouldn't we dodge, like, now?"

Lunasa then replied with composure:

"We're too late already."

After Lunasa said that, the Prismriver Sisters, who were grouped close to each other, collided with the approaching figures.

* * *

In front of the gate to Hakugyokurou, the half-ghost gardener, Youmu Konpaku, was running towards the great gate that separated the Netherworld from the rest of Gensokyo, as she had heard a loud scream while she was managing the garden of Hakugyokurou.

"What was that scream?" Youmu wondered.

When she arrived in front of the great gate of the Netherworld, seven figures crashed down in front of her.

"Huh!?" Youmu said with great surprise.

Around a strangely-dressed man were a bridge princess, a satori, a menreiki, and the Prismriver Sisters. The strangely-dressed man wielded a gun in his left hand, a knife in his right hand, and a creepily insane smile on his face.

"...!"

Youmu immediately took out her Roukanken, and her phantom half took a battle stance along with her.

"Another zombie...I'll have fun with slaying you today...Heheheh...HAHAHAHAHA!"

Youmu didn't let herself be fazed by the strangely-dressed man. She then noticed something in the strangely-dressed man.

"He looks...drunk!"

She then sheathed her Roukanken, and then she took out her Hakurouken.

"Haaaah!"

Then, she delivered a slice at the drunk man.

"Agh..."

After the drunk man was sliced by Hakurouken, the man froze for a bit, and then he started looking around him. Then, he said with a confused expression:

"Huh? Where am I? What just happened? And who are you people?"


	5. Apocalypse: Insane Slayer of Zombies

"Sorry for the trouble, Yuyuko-san."

"Oh, don't worry about it! I'm glad that I have a guest here. I rarely have guests here, you see."

Shinku was sitting in front of Yuyuko Saigyouji, princess of the Netherworld, beside the view of blooming cherry blossoms under the eternally dark sky.

About how he got here, Shinku got drunk, rampaged in a pub in the underground, flew off to the skies, carried off six youkai to the Netherworld, and then got slashed by Youmu's Hakurouken. He didn't remember all that, though. He was only told that he was drunk, that he crashed into the Netherworld with those six youkai, and that he was slashed by Youmu's Hakurouken, since those were what Youmu only knew from her persepective. After all that, Yuyuko arrived, and then she asked Youmu to attend to the six youkai, who were now resting inside Hakugyokurou.

"So, are there zombies here?" Shinku immediately asked without any hesitation.

"Oh, you won't find any here," Yuyuko replied, still smiling. Then she whispered to herself. "Dear me, Yukari really worked well on this one..."

"Did you say something, Yuyuko-san?"

"No, it's nothing," she replied, still smiling. "Anyway, you'll only find spirits of the dead here. Zombies are only reanimated corpses. Or were you looking for the living but infected kind?"

"I prefer the latter, but if it's a zombie, I'll still slay it. I do have this anti-youkai knife and this handgun with six bullets, after all," Shinku replied, showing his survival knife and his handgun.

Yuyuko then stared at the knife and then the handgun. She stared at them with an inquisitive expression.

"Is there something wrong, Yuyuko-san?" Shinku asked, as Yuyuko's stare was starting to make him nervous.

Suddenly, Yuyuko spoke while still staring at the knife.

"You gave these to him, didn't you, Suika?"

Then, as if it heard Yuyuko, a purple mist gathered on the ground beside them, forming into the small, two-horned drunk oni named Suika Ibuki.

"Ohhh yessssss!" Suika cheerily replied, swaying and teetering around like the drunkard she was. "Weapons were manufactured from the outside world, modified by Yukari, and then given to this guy here! By meeeee! Suiiiiika Ibukiiiiii! Having fun, Shinku? I heard you ravaged the underground oni, including Yuugi!"

"Uhh...what?" Shinku asked. "I don't really remember what happened after I got drunk because of that sake you gave me."

Suika's face then brightened at what Shinku said. "It worked? Wow, it's that powerful, huh? Powerful enough to block out reasoning, only leaving the consumer controlled by their bestial desires. I drink sake, but I'm never gonna try that again. That Yukari...she made me drink it for her experiment with it, and oh dear, did I wreck a whole forest looking for sake. Good thing it wasn't a whole gourd, or else I may have rampaged for a whole day!"

"..."

Shinku then sat nervously, and he started to feel regret for what he did while insanely drunk.

"I hurt living people..." Shinku said to himself, looking down at the wooden floor with shame. "I want to hide...I want to slay some real zombies...at least one, please..."

"Well, I know where you can find one," Yuyuko said, smiling with a supportive aura. "Within the Myouren Temple Graveyard, there's this zombie that stands guard there everyday."

"Really?" Shinku asked, now with a brightened expression. "Show me! SHOW ME! SHOW ME THE ZOMBIE!"

"Now, now, Shinku. Let's have Suika here carry you there. I need to attend to the injured youkai right now. Suika, carry him to where the zombie is, okay?"

"Alright, Yuyuko!" Suika replied with a drunken salute. "I'll be carrying you off now, Shinku!"

"Wha-Hey!"

Suika then took Shinku under her arm, and then she started flying really fast, ignoring any complaints from Shinku.

* * *

After I gave up on complaining, I decided to ask some unanswered questions to Suika while we were flying under the night sky.

"Suika, who's this Yukari person you've been talking about?" I asked her.

"Oh, Yukari?" she replied. "Yukari's the Youkai of the Boundaries, and she's a close friend of mine. She's always up to some scheme. I won't tell you anymore than that, though. You should just remember not to trust her. She's quite a big liar, you know."

"Then why are you telling me to do what Yukari says, if I shouldn't trust her?"

"I'm bored, so I wanted some entertainment," Suika casually replied.

Suika still seemed to be drunk, but she now had more seriousness in her voice.

"I'm just here to give you equipment and give you Yukari's orders, but if you don't want to follow, then I'll leave you alone, and then I'll tell Yukari about it and go look for more entertainment. So, do you still want to slay that zombie?"

Ever since I stopped being drunk...No, ever since I woke up in the underground, I had this crazy urge to slay zombies. I still want to slay one, though, even if Suika said that Yukari isn't a trustworthy person.

"Yeah. I still wanna slay that zombie," I told Suika.

"Hmm...looks like it's all going according to plan..." Suika said with an amused smile.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You've been manipulated. By the time you see that zombie, you'll lose yourself again. It's all going according to Yukari's plan, so why waste some worthwhile entertainment?"

"What?"

Before I could ask my question, Suika, who was nearing a gravestone-filled area, threw me out into the ground. I rolled and rolled and rolled...until...

"Oof!"

"Uhhh...Huh?"

There was this...rotting smell near me. A figure with arms raised forward. A figure that was staring at me behind some piece of paper on its face.

"An...intruder...?"

A voice that showed the signs of a dimwit. Under the moon, I saw a figure with a blue hat, and red-blue clothes. It's slender legs would have been attractive only if they weren't rotting.

Rotting. Rotten. Living. Moving. A rotting corpse that still moves, as if it were still alive. This is what I was looking for. This is what I was living for. This is what I was lusting for.

It's zombie-slaying time.

"RAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Quickly, I jumped up and pinned the zombie to the ground.

"Die, zombie," I whispered, taking out my survival knife as I did so.

"Intruders...should be taken down..." the zombie said mechanically, as if it were a robot.

It then attempted to bite me, but I quickly stuck my knife into its mouth.

"Mmph..."

It bit into the knife, but it couldn't bite through it. Along the way, it's mouth started to burn and melt from the celestial blood coating.

"You're...a woman?" I asked the zombie while taking out the knife from its mouth, as I felt some soft mounds on its chest while I was pinning it down on the ground.

"Yesshh..." it replied.

"A woman, huh...Why am I even caring about that? Maybe this looks so wrong with me plunging my knife into you, but whatever. I'm here to slay zombies, and I don't care about the zombie's gender. I haven't been slaying any real zombies in a while, so I'll have to go with killing you slowly. It's so pleasurable, you know that?"

"Uhhh...Whaa...?"

It then tried to bite me again. I stuck my knife into its mouth again, breaking its teeth in the process.

"Don't even try to infect me, zombie. Zombie-slaying is not fun if I become a zombie. Now shut up. Since you'll be suffering for a long while, why not enjoy your punishment?"

"Uhhhhhhh..."

The female zombie only responded with a dumb stare at my face.

"Hmph. Then I'll dig in already. THANKS FOR THE MEAL!"

Licking my lips with a great slurp, I then raised my knife and began my "mealtime."

* * *

Disturbed by a noise outside her hut, Seiga Kaku, the Wicked Hermit, decided to investigate what was going on.

"Is that an insane man I hear?" Seiga wondered while looking for the source of the sound.

She then found the insane man moments after she said that.

"One stab. Two stabs. Three stabs. Aren't you enjoying it, zombie?"

Under the insane man was her "cute underling," Yoshika Miyako, who was being stabbed mercilessly. Yoshika's skin was melting because of the knife stabs, and she was becoming uglier after each stab. Her clothes were also being torn apart because of the merciless stabbing.

On top of Yoshika was a man wearing a form-fitting shirt, blue jeans, and black shoes. He was the kind of person that Seiga had never seen before in her life, but then she thought that it looked like that zombie-slaying character that she vaguely remembered. More importantly, this insane man was holding a knife, and he was using it to hurt Seiga's "cute underling."

Needless to say, Seiga wasn't happy about it.

"You insane man...You won't be having fun now that I'm here..."

Suddenly, Yoshika's body started to regenerate, and the insane man couldn't plunge his knife any deeper into her body.

"Huh? What's going on with you?" the insane man wondered. "Oh..."

Immediately, he realized it.

"So you're its master, huh?" the insane man asked the angry Seiga. "I'm going to have more fun today!"

Without waiting for a response, the insane man took out his gun, and then he shot Seiga with all his six remaining bullets.

*BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG*

Seiga simply received them, but they didn't do any significant effect to her.

"What is this...celestial blood?" Seiga wondered, feeling the bullets that went into her body. "I'm not a youkai, human. I'm a hermit. A Wicked Hermit."

Then, Seiga quickly flew to the insane man.

*SLAP*

And then she gave him a hard slap that knocked him down. Yoshika was now standing up, her body regenerating from the insane man's attacks. Still, the insane man was smiling and laughing at his surrounding attackers.

"Even if celestial blood won't work on you, hermit, then I'll still enjoy stabbing you until you die, since you're a creator of a zombie! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Be quiet," Seiga coldly replied. "Yoshika, kill him."

"Yessh, Sheika-shama!"

With energy, Yoshika began to charge towards the insane man...but suddenly...

*WHACK*

...Yoshika fell to the ground.

"Huh? Yoshi-"

*WHACK*

Seiga fell to the ground as well.

"Ooh, looks like this is my lucky day...Ehehehehe...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

*WHACK*

The insane man also fell to the ground.

The assailant, who used an umbrella to knock out the three, silently carried the knocked-out insane man, leaving the Wicked Hermit and the Loyal Undead lying on the soil of the Myouren Temple Graveyard.

Some time later during the night, the two were discovered by a few curious humans, who were then driven away, as Seiga and Yoshika had quickly recovered. As she couldn't make any sense of why Yoshika was attacked by the insane man, or why they were even knocked out, Seiga decided to go home and tend to Yoshika.

No one else saw the insane man again...

...except for the conspirators behind the latest incident in Gensokyo.


End file.
